Is Raising Kids in The Digital World Stressing You Out?

No family is ever picture-perfect. We all have worries or arguments, which can cause stress. Who said being a parent was easy? Throw in the digital world, and it’s a maze.

Everyone has an opinion, there is research from every angle of the internet and then there is pressure from your child. No one wants their child to feel left out, and after a full day of work, we have very little fight left in us.
We all want to be the best parents we can be, better than our parents were to us. We love our children and want only the best for them, keeping them safe from harm’s way. These feelings bind all families and make us all equal. We all want the same thing for our kids.

You need to make decisions based on what is best for your family.

First, know what the research says:

The peer pressure your child feels to fit in and be part of the digital world is very real in their world.
Screen time creates a dopamine rush in the brain. This means they cannot stop and just want more and more with no thought of the consequences.
The pre-frontal cortex is only fully developed in our mid-twenties. This means our brains can do a quick pro and con list before making decisions. Our children tend to behave impulsively and without thought of the consequences at that moment.
The human development of language, empathy, and communication happens best when it’s done face-to-face, through play.
Boredom breeds creativity and no one has ever died of boredom.
You can say No, you set the rules and the pace with everything.

If you have given free rein to your child in the digital world, it’s hard to revoke that access. Our children’s online maturity is happening from a young age, they know how to work it. You can’t just take it away. They instinctively trust technology. They may feel left out, and picked on because of the rules around technology – they just need to know that you love them.

Generate a Tech agreement.
A tech agreement lays out all the boundaries and rules around technology. Only you can amend the contract, and it can be amended based on performance and behaviour. By both agreeing to these terms, you are in a better position to enforce the rules. Your child knows the rules and understands they can change them to benefit them. Download the Tech agreement as guidance

Be consistent.
The rules cannot change to suit certain situations. If the agreement is 50 mins of screen time a day, you can’t hand over the phone after they have had the 50 minutes to suit you. Routines and consistency give children security and comfort in knowing their boundaries and the rules.
Make sure screen time is a reward, not a routine.

Use the tools available.

Every platform offers privacy control and parental control use it, you may have to look for it, but it’s there.
Switch off any chat ability on games or streaming platform
Switch off auto-play, that just encourages the dopamine dump.
Access the internet or play games in public places, with the sound up.

Talk to each other.
We can’t parent in silos anymore. Talk to other parents, understand how they implement the rules, and try to find common ground, where possible. Supporting and understanding everyone’s viewpoint helps you determine the truth from exaggerated stories. Maybe Lucy’s mom does put a time limit on YouTube. If their rules are less stringent than yours, understand why. Stand your ground to how you feel about technology in your little one’s hands. Remember one thing, most parents love their children and want to keep them safe.

Know your job.
You are not their friend. You are their parent or guardian, that’s better than a friend. You are their safety, confidant, and provider. When we set boundaries like app restrictions or “no phones at the dinner table” from a place of leadership and authority, we strengthen our relationship with our kids. Be patient. Understand that while our job may be to set the boundary, their job is to push it and sometimes break it.

Breathe.

You do know what to do, you too were once a child. Don’t be so hard on yourself. This digital world is new to all of us, we are all learning as we go along. If we just focus our time on them, try to remove technology where possible. Remember every minute off line is a good developmental minute.

Let’s keep them safe and smart when they learn or play online.

References:
https://ifstudies.org/blog/one-overlooked-reason-modern-parents-are-stressed#:~:text=According%20to%20U.S.%20Surgeon%20General,turn%2C%20their%20children’s%20mental%20health.
https://www.goodinside.com/
https://psychcentral.com/stress/tips-to-reduce-family-stress#next-steps