Self-Regulation Does Not Happen On A Screen

Out shopping and your child gets irritable? We get it, it can drive you to the loony bin!
They can be relentless with the moaning and whining when you have important chores to complete.

Our children feel stressed, but they don’t know what to do about it. So the natural reaction is to cry, scream, and be irritable. Self-regulation is not an instinct. It’s a valuable skill that we need to teach them. Self-regulation helps you to calm down when you are feeling anxious or stressed. This is a skill that is perfected over time and with practice. Being able to soothe oneself is a skill that will assist them even much later in life, helping them to handle exams. Job interviews and stressful situations they may have to face as part of growing up. It helps them to be more resilient to life’s challenges.

Our easy option is to throw the phone in their faces and distract them with their favourite game or show. It’s worth the data! Keep reminding yourself that screen time is a reward, not a routine. When we constantly give them a phone to appease them, it becomes a necessity, and they lose the ability to manage their emotions and awaken their imaginations. Have you noticed how, when you no longer need them to be distracted or calm, you are only faced with another meltdown because you are taking the screen away. Have you accomplished anything?

Screens give our children a dopamine dump. This is a very real neurological reaction with our brains’ chemicals. Read about it here.

Take the 5 minutes to guide your child on how to calm down and self-regulate naturally. This will not only last longer, but it will also give them the skills they need to be highly functional and resilient adults later on.

Here are 6 activities you can try.

1. The 5-4-3-2-1 Method
   Help them to focus on what is happening around them, and to take joy in that.
   
   For example: 
   • “Tell me 5 things you can see?”
   This can be any object in their immediate eye sight.

   
   • “What 4 things can you touch and feel right now?”
   From the trolley handle bars, to their shoes or favourite toy.

   • “Name the 3 things you can hear?”
   Is it the crowd, the announcer or mom’s voice.

   • “Breathe in 2 things you can smell right now.”
   This could be mom’s perfume or the soap on their hands.

   • “Think about the 1 thing you can taste.”
   This can be the water or snacks you have nearby.

   This mindfulness technique helps change the focus more on what’s happening around you and less on any anxious thoughts you may be having at that time.

2. Starfish Breathing
   We need to help our children slow down their thoughts by focusing on touch and breathing. Starfish or belly breathing allows you to notice and name feelings before reacting to them.
   
   Let’s starfish breathe:
   • Hold out one hand with your fingers spread wide, like a starfish.
   • With the other hand, use your index (pointer) finger to trace the “starfish” around the fingers.
   • Start at the wrist and breathe in while slowly tracing from the outside of your thumb to the top of your thumb.
   • Inhale through your nose for the whole upward tracing movement.
   • Then breathe out through your mouth while tracing down toward the inside of the thumb.
   • Continue breathing and tracing the whole starfish. Until you feel calmer.
   
   
3. Affirmation Repetition
   Affirmations are powerful short statements that carry a positive message. Repeating this can be empowering and almost hypnotic to calm down. You can select any short saying that would resonate best with your family ethics or that suits your child.
   
   For example: “I can only do my best” or “I know I can do this.”
   
   It can help to have this statement visible to your child in their bedroom. Make it a mantra if you will.
   
   
4. Fresh Air, Fresh Perspective
   Movement helps with regulation. By increasing the flow of blood to the brain, it can help you think clearer and removes you from a situation for a break. Walking indoors or outside will help – Just focus on breathing while you are moving.
   
   Combining the starfish method and walking can work incredibly fast to calm down anxiety.
   
   
5. Don’t Be Afraid To Rock
   When emotions are high and the reaction is getting out of control. Rocking or swaying can calm down the nervous system. Exactly like we used to hold and sway when they were infants. This motion can help.
   
   • Rock in a rocking chair or swivel in a swivel chair.
   • Lie stomach down on an exercise ball and roll back and forth.
   • Sway back and forth to soft music.
   
   
6. Creativity and words
   Come armed with all you need to help your child stay calm. It’s a known fact that journaling, drawing, or even talking out loud to yourself can help you self-regulate. To help get started, use “draw what you see in your head” as a prompt.
   
   For younger children, just the opportunity to colour will calm them down, or if drawing is not their preferred outlet – Blocks.
   Or just having a chat. Step away from the situation and chat. Not screaming, just a calm, tell me what is bothering? What emotions are you feeling right now. Appreciate that those are their feelings and you appreciate them sharing.
   
   
7. Have A Calm-down Corner
   Give your child permission to take a few minutes to calm down. Praise them for taking the time. Encourage the starfish breathing technique.

Self-regulation is to let emotions out, like by pounding or screaming into a pillow. Give them a safe space to express these feelings. We need to teach them when it’s socially appropriate to let emotions loose and when it’s better to manage them.

Remember to praise your child when they get it right. “You stayed calm when your toy broke—that’s amazing!”

References: https://www.understood.org/en/articles/self-care-for-kids-6-ways-to-self-regulate